hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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