Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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