dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
