He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
