So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
