yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I understand Curling. That high.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
