White coat. Heels.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
