yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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