I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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