If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
