Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
