You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I look better un-naked...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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