You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
