i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
