Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ruined the universe
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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