Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
