Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
