Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
