If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
