Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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