just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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