Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
