he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
