Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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