Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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