I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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