I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
