On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
