Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
