I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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