I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
