I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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