she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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