About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
