I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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