i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
