I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
