Kiss
Puke
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
