I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
