Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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