Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
