Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
