she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
