Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
