Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
