i think my tv is drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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