you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
