I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
