She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
