Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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