dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
