i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
