From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
